Is Sex The Way To Say 'Thank You' For Dinner?

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“I really wasn’t into him but I felt I had to, it was a really nice dinner.”  This is what one of my adorable, amazing girl-friends emailed me the other day.  I almost reached my hands through the computer screen to grab a hold of her shoulders and shake some sense into her.

“What?!?!?  No…you don’t owe him anything!” I followed this by a short version of what I am going to offer you here.  Just because someone takes you out on a date does not mean you have to sleep with him or her to say thank you.  I’m sure every guy and a few girls are reading this thinking, “but it sure be would nice if you did.”  Dating is about courtship, not sex.  Sure people mix it in there and mix up what the true purpose of dating is.  The reason for going on a date; getting to know someone and for that person to get to know you.  Let me take you away from the romantic relationship scenario and give a business example, which for some is an easier concept to wrap their head around. 

Since graduating from grad school I have met with every type of businesses almost everyday.  Over the years, I have taken someone or been taken out for breakfast, tea/coffee, lunch, dinner and drinks, etc etc.  The point of this social exchange; Do we want to do business together?  When I buy someone a drink or a meal, I’m not expecting or assuming they’ll want to go into business with me.  The reason why I buy them the drink or meal is for the following reason; I respect their time – They could be anywhere, doing anything, which is an honor because they have taken the time to meet with me.  That means the world to a small town girl like myself.  Time and love are the only things on this planet that you cannot buy; it has to be given.  If a business shares their time with me, I would love to voice some ideas over a cup of their choosing.  Maybe the relationship will go further, maybe it won’t.  I’m not looking to be pressured or pressure someone into a situation that they’re not comfortable with or ready for.  This should be the same with dating. 

If someone takes you on a date, your sheer presence should be enough.  Much like a business meeting, you could be anywhere and going out to dinner with anyone else but you choose to be with them.  You’re sharing your precious time that cannot be bought back.  I learned this valuable lesson after a few bad dates…I can never get those hours back.  I could have been home washing my hair or snuggling with my cat, instead of wishing the dinner date came with a mute button.

I hope it goes without saying that you still should voice your appreciation for the date and for them taking the time to be with you.  Releasing from your lips an excited “Thank you” should be enough, especially on the first date.  If you go out with someone that expects more, well then in my opinion he’s not a man.  Sure he may have the working parts; Male anatomy, male strength and male brain.  Also, selfish, egotistical and self-serving come to mind.  Is that someone you want to be with?  Hopefully, not.  Do not do anything you’re not comfortable or ready to do.

Why Does This Keep Happening To Me?

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A man walks into a doctor’s office.  The doctor asks the man “What seems to be the problem?”  The man starts to hit his head and answers, “Doctor it hurts when I do this.”  The doctor responded, “Well then stop doing that.”

My Mother told my siblings and myself this joke when we were very young.  My Mother often used humor to teach us lessons.  If I or someone else keeps repeating the same actions over and over again while not gaining the results we are looking for and wonder why does this keeps happening to me?  It’s because I haven’t learned the lesson I needed to or maybe because I need a change of sorts. 

A great example: If I keep dating the same type of guy and wonder why do I always end up hurt? Maybe my lesson is to stop dating that type of guy.  I need to make a change.  Maybe the change is within myself, my surroundings, my way of thinking or how I go about dating all together.

The lessons we learn in life are actually easy once we decide we needed to learn them in the first place AND we accept the challenge of following through on the change they bring about in our lives.

Chivalry = Intense

This Summer I have been less than impressed by the dating material that has been set in front of me.  Prime example: When a “Call me Maybe” situation arose, the time came to exchange numbers with a beautiful man.  He looked me dead in the eye and said, “I’m really bad with numbers.  My assistant is around here somewhere.”  As he looked around the party, two red flags popped up.  One:  He may not be interested in me and is giving an excuse when he won’t be calling me.   In which case, why should I share my number with him?  My number is sacred…every woman’s number is sacred!  Second red flag: Does he really get that many numbers?  Does he really have an assistant that handles all of his lady’s digits?  I think I’ll pass on this headache.  My reply before my friend and I walked away, “You can’t have my number.” 

I have gathered some entertaining stories during these few summer months.  Some of which may or may not make it into my next book.  Other Summer-time love reports, I will save for when I’m old, grey and no on one truly minds what a 90 years old little lady did in her youth…no matter how bold or brash. 

But…

Recently, I felt a click and a pause in my thinking.  All of a sudden, something changed within how I viewed a friend.  I no longer considered this person strictly on a friendship level but now I have acquired an intense infatuation. The flip has been switched, I’m armed with curiosity and a strange new sensation.  I can’t help but know that everything is different.  All because of one everyday moment that for me, has become special.

I had been walked home plenty of times before: by friends and by dates.  I usually hate this because of the knowing that there will be an awkward moment at the end where you and the other person are standing on the side of the road knowing, “This is it…see you later…maybe.”  But this was different.  He carried me up the street because I asked him to.  My feet hurt and the Champagne I was drinking that night caught up to me very fast. This could have been the crescendo to the realization that I had feelings for this person.  Even though I was under the influence, I still can remember my face resting in the cranny of his neck.  I remember thinking, “I must be too heavy for him to carry.”  In all honestly, it was sweet of him to do so and why wouldn’t my heart be won over by someone lifting me up and carrying me home. This was nice and for a brief moment, for lack of a better word, it felt right.  An innocent gesture of him carrying me home was not of someone trying to seduce me, simply a good person that was there to help.  When I climbed down from his arms, we said good-bye and I said “Thank you”.  I started my walk up the road to my house. I looked back to see him looking directly at me.  In a way, it was a very intense experienced for me.  I wasn’t sure what to do with myself and this rarely happens.   At first, his stare made me uncomfortable.  When someone holds his or her glance at me for an extended period, the moment feels very intimate and foreign.  I yelled to the bottom of the street where he was standing, “Stop looking at me!”  Or something to that result…

His answer back would be that of a grenade thrown into my brain barracks.  His initial statement would be the release of the pin, “I want to make sure you get home safely.  Chivalry isn’t dead for some guys.”  I continued my staggering steps toward my front door.  One foot in front of the other later, I looked back just to see if he was still there.  He was.  His stare had not changed in intensity.  Typically, by now, most persons would have gone on their way.  It was at this point, I wanted to march myself down the road and ask him, “What do you think you’re doing?”  Point to where he needs to be and let him know he should leave!  I didn’t.  I turned my toes toward my house and put one foot in front of the other once again.  Just two-steps more, I turned around to see if he was still holding his ground.  He was. That’s when the grenade went off and “POW!”  I have a new crush.  I had a few more glimpses back until I reached my front door.  I waved my hand good-bye and he walked away.  I watched his body become a shadow and disappear.

This unintended encounter gave me a chance to rethink what I want, what type of person I want to be with and what I want to be to someone else.  I know for this person, if was a mere instance of them helping a friend, nothing more than that.  And he did just that in more ways than he could imagine.  For me, this was a possibility to know that sometimes people may surprise you in the most usual of ways and chivalry will keep a girl wanting more.  There's always the possibility that something could go from creepy to absolutely wonderful.

You Look Like You Need A Hug

It's Monday...You look like you could use a hug.

Matador at Monumental El Paso, Bullfight (Fiesta Brava), San Luis Potosi, Mexico

by Russell Gordon

I sipped on my glass of red, looked out over the forest landscape and felt his gaze upon me. 

“Am I in your book?”

I smiled, emptied the glass of its contents and looked him dead in the eyes, “Of course, it is a book on all of my relationship mistakes.”

He had a full belly laugh and almost fell out of his lounge chair.  He poured more wine into my glass as his laugh quieted. 

From his body frame one could tell he may have been very good at baseball at one point in time.  His stalky, muscular build would play well for him on first base.  Lord knows, first base was where he always wanted to play with me.  His face was tanned, chiseled with a small amount of stubble left over from the day before.  His dark hair seemed to always stay in place even though he never did anything more than run his fingers through it.  He once said to me before going out, “I don’t have to try, so I don’t.”  He was always very blunt and got right to the point.  It was what attracted me to him in the first place when I was younger.  Some how this brute, blunt man captured my attention.

“You love me.”  He said this as if he was so sure of the answer.  He was always so sure of himself.  His ego practically choked me on occasion. 

No, I didn’t love him now, I never did and I never will.  I didn’t verbalize this to him.  I was silent.  I was starting to think it was a mistake just sipping wine with him out in the open air.  I could feel him move closer to my chair, his hand on the back of my chair leg.

“I already told my friends that I’m in your book.”  His voice was the type of voice that carried across a crowded room.  People often told him to calm down, speak softer.  We attended a friend’s party, where those very words were spoken to him in a harsh whisper.  His reply, in high volume of course, to this day makes me laugh, “I can’t and I won’t, Dorothy has trouble hearing and I'm loud, we’re the perfect match.”  His friends described us as The Bull and The Matador. This memory quickly faded and I felt uncomfortable with what I was thinking but I knew I had to say it.

“You do know the book is called War on Love?  How do you want me to portray you?  I’m going to tell the truth.”  I took a quick sip of wine to wet my lips.  “You’ll make it in.  I’m not sure if you’ll like what or where I put you within the book.”

He smiled, picked up the bottle from the cement floor and topped off my glass, “You break hearts for a living.”

“Don’t be like that.  We both know what you were doing when we met.”

“I know, I know...Seriously though, Am I in the book?”  His eyes pierced my right eyeball.

“Oh no!  Not the crazy eyes.  Stop looking at me that way.  Fine! Yes, you’re in the book.  Why is it so important to you?”

“I just wanted to hear you say it.”  He sat against the back of the lounge chair and took a swig of wine from the mouth of the bottle.  In true Bull fashion, he let out a rumbling bletch that echoed through the trees.  This was not as 'cute' as I thought it was in years past.

Sexercises Are Back!

Over the recent months I have received a large amount of feedback in regard to The Sexercises in the original Amazing Love Diet.  I have a few persons that were against them, saying that it read like a Penthouse Forum.  (Not sure if this is a good or a bad thing.) And then, I had a great number of people that found they loved the Sexercises!  Some were very disappointed that I had taken them out.  For those of you out there that don't know what Sexercises are, these would be different sexual positions that will help to tone your body.  What could be wrong with that?  I just happen to explain briefly the benefits...Now, isn't that a fun tidbit of information.

Those that I've heard from in regard to the old version of Amazing Love Diet, said that most of the positions they already knew about.  For them, the Sexercises were a nice reminder to engage and explore with their partner.  I have heard that it was a nice refresher for their relationship.  I felt this feedback was powerful enough to add the Sexercises back into the book.  I had a large number of people who voted for the Sexercises, more so than those against them.  So...I did just that.  Amazing Love Diet now features Sexercises!  

Download or pick up Amazing Love Diet today!

Download digital copy from Amazon Here

Order Paperback from Lulu Here.

*****If you've purchased any version of Amazing Love Diet please email me at lazypersonaltraining@gmail.com and I will give you the latest version as a thank you.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

Holding Hands Is The Bee's Knees

Dating Disaster #1

I always feel more comfortable telling dating stories when they are very much in the past.  This way, most parties involved have moved on and more than likely, they don’t give a rats whether I use their story as an example or not.

Recently I realized, I haven’t put some of my embarrassing dating moments on my blog?  And boy do I have them!  I am super awkward and even more so when I really like someone.  Sometimes my awkward, clumsiness is just who I am.  Other humiliating moments unfortunately happen because I am nervous or excited...Beverages being spilled all over the dinner because I talk with my hands...Choking on a piece of food because I started laughing while I was eating...Getting my hair caught in tree branches because I wasn’t looking where I was going...Sitting at the wrong table when I venture back from the ladies room...”Wait you’re not my date!”...Then slam my finger in a car door, while trying to find cover from the rain...Yes, there is a surplus of awkward, awful dating moments that I have experienced...Most of the time I know these dates won’t be calling for another meet up.  Other occurrences, I am always surprised when they do call again... "Huh, Really?  I wasn’t expecting to hear from you again, unless it was for the cleaning bill for the spaghetti accident.  Yes, my nose is

If I Were A Boy

I’m not ashamed to say if I were a guy I would try to be with every girl that would let me.  I get why guys are the way they are...Because they can be.  As a woman, I know that there are limitations on what I can and can not do...As much as I try to break tradition and prove them all wrong, I know I can’t. 

Why I Deserve a Dream Vacation - A Mother's Story

A photo of everyone this past Christmas.  (Just missing So-Crazy, my sister's boyfriend)

I receive daily emails from my Family, which includes; two parents, six siblings, one brother-in-law and two boyfriend-in-laws...And sometimes grandmothers, aunts, uncles and cousins are included in our discussions.  The subjects are endless.  It's a photo of my nieces here, a story from a brother or sister there...or It could be a funny forward...It's nice to know that no matter where each of my siblings may be in the world, we stay connected.  This past email going back and forth between the family was based on something my sister, PopTart, posted on Facebook.  Here is the letter my Mother forwarded to each of us.  I remember this time very well...It made me cry for two reasons;

Kick Off The Month of Love

Amazing Love Diet 

In Honor of The Month of Love, Amazing Love Diet Ebook will be $2.99 for the month of February.  Download this little book onto your digital readers and mobile devices.  Happy Lovin' Everyone!

For Amazon Click Here                       For Lulu Click Here 

*****Book cover photographed by Bill Hoenk Photography*****  (Bill is an incredibly talented photographer, whom made me feel more than comfortable being in my invisible bikini.  He has an array of talents in the photography field for your needs, not just nudes...But maybe after you read my book, you'll be inspired to take it all off in front of a camera for a wonderful memory...Respectfully and tastefully of course...Wink, wink.)

I Want You To Love Me Like My Dog

I love this song and I love Billy Currington!

Just A Bunch Of Silliness Really...

It's Saturday...So you may not need some silliness but then again...When do we not need some silliness?

Make your own Skeptical Baby Meme over at ZipMeme.com

Quotes:

 "The best actors, I think, have a childlike quality. They have a sort of an ability to lose themselves. There's still some silliness." - Kenneth Branagh
 
"Anyone can be passionate, but it takes real lovers to be silly." - Rose Franken 

"Read, everyday, something no one else is reading.  Think, everyday, something on else is thinking.  Do, everyday, something no one else would be silly enough to do.  It is bad for the mind to continually be part of unanimity." - Christopher Morley