Is Sex The Way To Say 'Thank You' For Dinner?

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“I really wasn’t into him but I felt I had to, it was a really nice dinner.”  This is what one of my adorable, amazing girl-friends emailed me the other day.  I almost reached my hands through the computer screen to grab a hold of her shoulders and shake some sense into her.

“What?!?!?  No…you don’t owe him anything!” I followed this by a short version of what I am going to offer you here.  Just because someone takes you out on a date does not mean you have to sleep with him or her to say thank you.  I’m sure every guy and a few girls are reading this thinking, “but it sure be would nice if you did.”  Dating is about courtship, not sex.  Sure people mix it in there and mix up what the true purpose of dating is.  The reason for going on a date; getting to know someone and for that person to get to know you.  Let me take you away from the romantic relationship scenario and give a business example, which for some is an easier concept to wrap their head around. 

Since graduating from grad school I have met with every type of businesses almost everyday.  Over the years, I have taken someone or been taken out for breakfast, tea/coffee, lunch, dinner and drinks, etc etc.  The point of this social exchange; Do we want to do business together?  When I buy someone a drink or a meal, I’m not expecting or assuming they’ll want to go into business with me.  The reason why I buy them the drink or meal is for the following reason; I respect their time – They could be anywhere, doing anything, which is an honor because they have taken the time to meet with me.  That means the world to a small town girl like myself.  Time and love are the only things on this planet that you cannot buy; it has to be given.  If a business shares their time with me, I would love to voice some ideas over a cup of their choosing.  Maybe the relationship will go further, maybe it won’t.  I’m not looking to be pressured or pressure someone into a situation that they’re not comfortable with or ready for.  This should be the same with dating. 

If someone takes you on a date, your sheer presence should be enough.  Much like a business meeting, you could be anywhere and going out to dinner with anyone else but you choose to be with them.  You’re sharing your precious time that cannot be bought back.  I learned this valuable lesson after a few bad dates…I can never get those hours back.  I could have been home washing my hair or snuggling with my cat, instead of wishing the dinner date came with a mute button.

I hope it goes without saying that you still should voice your appreciation for the date and for them taking the time to be with you.  Releasing from your lips an excited “Thank you” should be enough, especially on the first date.  If you go out with someone that expects more, well then in my opinion he’s not a man.  Sure he may have the working parts; Male anatomy, male strength and male brain.  Also, selfish, egotistical and self-serving come to mind.  Is that someone you want to be with?  Hopefully, not.  Do not do anything you’re not comfortable or ready to do.

Can An Open Relationship Work?

Facebook Question: Lazy Girl, can an open relationships work?

Define work?

Right off the top of my head I say yes, followed by a no.  Sure they can work…for a short period of time.  This is just my humble opinion and what I have found from my experiences. There were a few instances I was able to have an open relationship.  Some lasted for a few short months and I had one relationship that lasted for a year or so.  Being in an open relationship has its benefits; freedom, exploration and one never lacks in attention.  It’s helpful to have rules in place.  Here are some rules to inspire and implement. 

1.     Don’t talk about the other people you’re dating

2.     Do not date anyone in the same town or anyone that this person may know

3.     Do not flaunt the other date

4.     Always save time for each other

5.     When you’re with the person, you’re with them.  Do not take phone calls, text messages or emails from anyone else.

6.     Be honest with each other.  What works for you?  What doesn’t work for you?  Being in an open relationship is about being honest with yourself and with the person you’re with.

7.     Be prepared.  Entering into this type of arrangement should not be entered into lightly.  Many people could get hurt, including you.  Weigh the risks and the rewards.  If you can live with what you think could be the worst of the outcomes, then go for it.

8.     Be respectful of each other.

9.     Be in an open relationship because you want it, not because your partner wants it.  This needs to be mutual, not just appeasing your partner.

10. Be safe.

Every single time I have entered into a mutual non-exclusivity, I typically leave the person whom agreed to said open arrangement for someone that doesn’t want to share my time with anyone else.  When I was dating Captain of the Industry, it was a whirlwind of a romance.  He popped the question so fast my head spun.  I hesitated.  I was very young and he was considerably older than myself, which was never an issue for me but at this time I knew enough of myself to know I didn’t know myself.  He on the other hand had really lived, he was successful, he knew what he wanted in life and he was ready to settle down…with me.  I just wasn’t sure if I was there yet.  I was 23 years of age.  I was very young and I asked him for some time to think about it.  “Take all the time you need.”  I followed his non-pressurized comment with, “Maybe I should date other people before I say yes.”  He was hesitate but agreed, he wanted me to be sure and be ready.   Within a month of his proposal and my counter proposal, I met Capitan America.  He knew of my situation and he still pursued me.  After three dates he told me he was going to marry me.  I will admit, I had fallen in love with America just as fast as he did with me.  Confused and not sure if I could have a life with a man that decorated his bedroom with beer bottles and slept on a mattress on the floor, I told him he was moving too fast for me and I reminded him that I was going to marry another man.   “I know, I know.  But have you stopped to really think about it.  I would never have agreed to let you date other people.  You’re the woman for me.  I would stop at nothing to prove that to you.” 

I looked away from Captain America and told him to drop the subject, “I’m going to marry Industry." But, as the fates would have it, America didn’t stop proving to me that we were meant for each other. He loved me for me and I for him.  We were perfection, soul mates, as if we were destined for each other.  When we were together it was paradise, a slice of heaven. 

After a weekend away with Captain of the Industry, I knew I couldn’t continue with the arrangement any longer. By the time Industry’s car pulled up to the private airport, I knew I wasn’t going to marry him.  I grabbed my weekender bag out of the trunk, said thank you and gave him a hug good bye.  He knew without having me say a word that I had made my mind up and it wouldn’t be with him.  He’s now married to a wonderful woman and I bump into him almost every year strangely enough on our anniversary.

The moral of the story is, open relationships can be fun but most of us want to be with someone whom want us completely and no one else.  In our core, our human nature we are not good at sharing.  We have a need to hold something and know that it's ours.  It's also important to have  trust in a relationship.  It’s hard to trust someone when you’re wondering where he or she is or whom he or she is with.  It’s hard to love someone when the notion creeps in that they may love someone else.  My advice is to have fun but know and be prepared that the open relationship will only stay open for so long.  You’re lovin’ on borrowed time and at the end you may be left empty handed.

Sexercises Are Back!

Over the recent months I have received a large amount of feedback in regard to The Sexercises in the original Amazing Love Diet.  I have a few persons that were against them, saying that it read like a Penthouse Forum.  (Not sure if this is a good or a bad thing.) And then, I had a great number of people that found they loved the Sexercises!  Some were very disappointed that I had taken them out.  For those of you out there that don't know what Sexercises are, these would be different sexual positions that will help to tone your body.  What could be wrong with that?  I just happen to explain briefly the benefits...Now, isn't that a fun tidbit of information.

Those that I've heard from in regard to the old version of Amazing Love Diet, said that most of the positions they already knew about.  For them, the Sexercises were a nice reminder to engage and explore with their partner.  I have heard that it was a nice refresher for their relationship.  I felt this feedback was powerful enough to add the Sexercises back into the book.  I had a large number of people who voted for the Sexercises, more so than those against them.  So...I did just that.  Amazing Love Diet now features Sexercises!  

Download or pick up Amazing Love Diet today!

Download digital copy from Amazon Here

Order Paperback from Lulu Here.

*****If you've purchased any version of Amazing Love Diet please email me at lazypersonaltraining@gmail.com and I will give you the latest version as a thank you.

Nature’s Viagra - Five Foods That Will Raise Your Spirits

Valentine’s Day is typically all about women...20 ways you can enjoy Valentine’s Day with your girlfriends...10 Valentine’s Day dates...Top 15 Movies to watch with your man...Well not this year!  I’m writing today for the guys.  I’m writing for the guys that have to go see a double chick flick feature...I’m writing for the guys that seem to never be able to please their girlfriend...I’m writing for the guys that just want to get a little something, something...

If I Were A Boy

I’m not ashamed to say if I were a guy I would try to be with every girl that would let me.  I get why guys are the way they are...Because they can be.  As a woman, I know that there are limitations on what I can and can not do...As much as I try to break tradition and prove them all wrong, I know I can’t. 

Kick Off The Month of Love

Amazing Love Diet 

In Honor of The Month of Love, Amazing Love Diet Ebook will be $2.99 for the month of February.  Download this little book onto your digital readers and mobile devices.  Happy Lovin' Everyone!

For Amazon Click Here                       For Lulu Click Here 

*****Book cover photographed by Bill Hoenk Photography*****  (Bill is an incredibly talented photographer, whom made me feel more than comfortable being in my invisible bikini.  He has an array of talents in the photography field for your needs, not just nudes...But maybe after you read my book, you'll be inspired to take it all off in front of a camera for a wonderful memory...Respectfully and tastefully of course...Wink, wink.)

Everyone Has A Fetish

Wait! Don’t go fixing your gap teeth just yet...Someone could find that characteristic very attractive. 

More often than not, I get into some very interesting conversations.  Obviously I do, I started this blog post with "Everyone has a fetish." Most of the exchanges that I have entered into I have found deal in the matters of love, sex and relationships.  I understand why this occurs.  Sometimes people feel automatically very comfortable sharing their inner most thoughts with me and other times I am the catalyst for the conversation.  These are three subjects I love, obsess about and I am very comfortable discussing.  In all of my conversations with friends and strangers on these topics I have found that my theory of “There is someone for everyone” always to ring true.  In fact, with each discussion I have found my theory turning into an honest to goodness fact.  One topic I always seem to find myself engaging in is the fetish genre.  To me, fetish is more than just something kinky or weird...Although more often than not, some will view it this way.  No, I view fetish as that we’re all into something or we find something attractive and it’s perfectly normally. (Unless, extremely disturbing such as with children.)

Case and point, recently I found myself in a bar dialogue where we discussed different “fetishes”.  I said that everyone has a unique “thing” that they find attractive.  One of the bar conversationalist said he likes women with large teeth...buck teeth to be exact.  For me, I find people with big ears to be attractive.  Since I was younger, I have always enjoyed the movie Dumbo.  Dumbo's story struck a cord within me and I have always felt for this little guy when he was made fun of because of his oversize ears.  So, maybe my “thing” for big ears stems from this...Although, I have never actually dated anyone with large ears.  But I do find people with ears that stick out, different or abnormally large to be very cute and attractive.  Another example; Years ago I made a friend with a gentleman that had a thing for girls with large feet.  This is a very popular fetish or even fear, feet that is.  He wouldn’t date a girl unless her feet were at least a size 10.  We never made it past the friendship stage since I have a size seven foot, which is abnormally small for my height. 

I have met many people along my path that are into different things, maybe it’s sexual or physical attributes or maybe it’s the person’s personality.  Whatever the case may be everyone has a “thing”. 

So before you go changing what you think is a flaw...pause and think...Someone could be very into said “flaw” and find it irresistible.  I’ve said it once, I will say it again; Everyone has a fetish and there is someone for everyone.

The One That Got Away

I recently went to visit a friend of mine, let’s call him my Italiano Professore.  He’s been very helpful in bringing Italian culture into my life.  During my visit we laughed at all the blog posts we were coming up with...some of which I don’t even know if I will post, a little more risque than I am ready to reveal at this time...but needless to say it was an entertaining visit.  While sitting in his kitchen enjoying a glass of Gavi, we talked about intense love.  He said when you have that intense love and the relationship ends, the person always comes back.  My response, “I hope not.”  It complicates your current life.  Maybe I’ve moved on or I’m with someone new.  I’ve had this before.  I was in a relationship when an ex would phone telling me sweet reconciliations.  Of course, I still have some underlining connection to this person but I was with someone else.  This got me to thinking of the term “The One That Got Away.”  Is it a reality?

I’ve had a few intense relationships in my life.  For a moment love was abundant.  The way they look at me, would send my heart to another dimension.  Love was overflowing and all around us...but like most things in life, things end and something else begins.  I’ve never been with someone that I considered “The one that got away.”  In my experience, I loved the person, cared for them and if the relationship ended I always knew I would heal from the pain, move on and find someone that maybe is better suited for me.  Almost like an upgrade.  With each relationship I find someone better for me, my needs and wants...always improving upon the last.  Yet, I will always care and love those I once cared and loved.  The initial emotion has changed and I no longer have certain feelings towards that person but if they were to call and need my help I would be there for them.  And of course there are those relationships where if you were to see that person maybe the old emotions would flood your being.  You remember what you once were and what you once felt for that person.  I've been there were you almost forget the world around you and maybe why things didn't work out in the first place.
I have noticed, guys tend to hold onto past relationships.  On a few occasions I have received a phone call saying, “You’re the one that got away.”  This certainly flattering and what you want to hear from an ex.  I think everyone wants to believe that they could still mean something to someone even after time has past.  But my response has always been to this statement, “I didn’t get away, you let me go.”  Isn’t that the truth?  No one truly “gets away” we let them go.  We don’t fight for them.  If we did, the ending just may be different and maybe non-existent.  

Do you believe in the term “the one that got away”? 

When Bad Sex Happens to Good People

Email Question:  I have been with my boyfriend for over a year now.  I love him so much! He’s a wonderful guy and I think someday would be a wonderful husband.  We are best friends, which you have talked about before that is a big key to a relationship.  We have the best time together.  There is just one area that we have never quite matched up and that is in the bedroom.  I want so bad to make this work but I know sex is a big part of any relationship.  Any advice?


What a bummer!  I’m going to break this up into a few parts for you, I think this will be the best way to help you and give a clearer picture for what you need to do.  I am going to be as truthful as possible.  This is advice and the good thing about advice is you don't have to take it...

First off, through my experience, I know not to settle for anything but everything I want in a relationship and sex is a big part of a relationship.  It’s not everything but studies show that the happiest married couples have sex on a regular basis.  It’s a way to reconnect as well as release tension.  With that being said, let me take this question from another angle.  What if the sex was out of control amazing but your boyfriend, outside the bedroom, well it just doesn't click.  Would you still stay with him?  I know plenty of ladies and men that do.  Sex is a powerful force and when you find someone you can connect with, it’s difficult to rip ones self away.  Do you see what I am saying?  You shouldn't settle, in any area of the relationship.  You shouldn't have to sacrifice one part for another.  Just because you think he will be a good husband and father does not mean you can let go of what most humans want in any marriage or relationship; pleasure and happiness.

Some people may say I’m cruel to say these things to you.  Saying that you should part ways with someone that you don’t click well with in the bedroom.  My counter argument is, why stay in a relationship (Before marriage) that is not everything you want in a partner?   It’s not worth it in the long run to sacrifice your needs and their needs as well.  Someday you may just meet someone who is everything you have ever wanted and what if you are already married?  Every person that I have ever spoken with that married later in life have all said the same thing, “It was worth the wait.”  Don’t be with someone to just be with someone or because you think they will be a good father or mother.  There is more to life than average, even for your everyday average person.  Which most of us are.  Some people are lucky enough to find the love of their lives when they are young.  For others it may take some time.  But it’s an exciting journey and can be a lot of fun doing so. 


Ok, now the second part, if you’re going to stay with this person.  How does one connect and maybe spice up the bedroom?  Ok, a few things, and maybe for you this will get weird at first but ever tried costumes?  Honey?  Chocolate sauce?  How about communicating what you want?  Sometimes women automatically assume the person they are with should know what to do with THEIR body.  Come on women!  Men have been practicing a lot longer than women.  They know what to do with their own body and because they have so much practice, it’s easier for them.  For women, not so much.  Sex alone is a taboo subject.  Growing up we’re not told what to do or that it's ok do it.  Hell, most of us were told our husbands would know exactly what to do or to just grit our teeth and bare it for the sake of the relationship.  How awful is that!  No wonder there are so many unsatisfied women out there.  Maybe, it’s time to play around and figure out what you like.  Be a little selfish.  Experiment.  Some things you may not like and others you may find just work for you.  I think the best way to experiment is to take a trip together.  You’re out of your comfort zone.  IE: Sofa, tv, work and your boring old bed.  This time away will allow you to be a bit more free with each other.  If the communication doesn’t work, then try the tantric approach.  Tantric Sex combines meditation and sex.  This can be very intense and for centuries has been bringing couples together to connect on a deeper level.  Think prayer for your body.  "O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do.

They pray; grant thou, lest faith turn to despair." - Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare.

I hope this helps you and your boyfriend.  I know it can be frustrating and you may even feel guilty but don’t, this really does happen to a lot of couples.  Why do you think there are so many books on sex and relationships?  I hope soon, bad sex will be a thing of the past.

Here's a link for Tantric Sex for beginners. Click Here.