Friday, December 23, 2011

Red Flags In A Relationship

We’ve all been there...We’ve all seen a red flag in the beginning of a relationship and knew that this little personality trait could potentially later on bite us in the tookus.  Maybe you’ve experienced it before and you know the sign.  Maybe there is a characteristic or a pattern that you find attractive.  We, as humans, are creatures of habit.  So, what to do when you see a red flag?  Run!  More than likely you’ll be running towards this person.  I once had a guy while he was breaking up with me say this, “You’re my type.  You’re fun, you’re attractive, a sweetheart and you’re like a little lost kitten.  I need to break my pattern.  I need to date someone that is the exact opposite of you.”  "Wait, let me get this straight, you want someone boring, unattractive, mean to you and I don’t even know what the opposite of a little lost kitten would be...A lazy old dog?  Best of luck friend, I hope you find her."  Over the years, I have been able to spot patterns fairly quickly and make a run for it.  One must be educated though because this person may remind you of a past relationship but remember, they are not this past relationship.  Many people make the mistake of having their current lover pay for their past lover’s mistakes.  Don’t do this.  You may end up missing out on a really great person and an amazing love match.  Sometimes what we find so attractive balances us and the other person.

Red Flags:  A red flag I consider to be something that bothers you or you know is unhealthy or makes for an unhealthy relationship.

1. Doesn’t allow you freedom to do or be your own person

2. Can’t stand you not spending all of your time with them.  Hates your friends.

3. Suspicious of everything you do

4. Doesn’t follow through

5. Drinks too much or Not at all (Some people are more social than others.  If you’re someone that is social and you like to go out, more than likely you should be with someone that matches you in this area.  If you’re someone that is more of a homebody, it won’t work to be with someone that is out every night of the week.)

6. Too close with their family or not close enough. (Sometimes it really works to have two people that are not close with their families and they make their own small family.  in other instances, if someone isn’t close with their family, I would be weary of this.  Of course, their family could just be seriously messed up...If that’s the case, it’s your call.

7. Never has time for you.  If they don’t have time for you now, more than likely they never will.

8. Trouble moving on from their ex.  I have had this issue once or twice before.  Their old relationship ended and they can’t seem to put that person behind them.  Then your relationship ends and they just can’t seem to put your relationship behind them. 

9. They are rude to anyone in the service industry.  If you’re rude to the person bringing you your food or a cocktail or any other person doing YOU a service...You’re a jerk and you should not be breeding.

 10. He/She mean to their parents.  Something my mother always said to me, “You can tell a lot by how he treats his mother.”  Say goes for the ladies.  What’s her relationship with her father?

 11. He checks out other girls.  This is a no brainer, if he’s looking at other girls, run away.  It’s not going to get any better.  Guys: You need to get better at checking out other girls.  We notice this and it makes us feel unattractive, not wanted and in a way, it's mean.  Who wants to give it up to a man that doesn’t find us attractive or doesn’t want us completely.  Not this girl!

 12. The little things.  If you’re an adventurous type, why do you keep going for someone who is scared of heights?  If you’re a happy go lucky person, why do you keep dating fun sponges? (They suck up all the fun in the room.)  Know who you are and what you want.  This is the best way to combat the red flags.

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