Thursday, July 1, 2010

Running, No Thank You

I try not to date people that love to run. I am always afraid they are going to do something crazy like ask me to join them. I am not fully against running. If you love to do it, more power to you. I’ll admit every now and then I get an urge to run but it’s quickly followed up by the urge to walk. Here is my defense against running.

Bullet Number One: Sex

When I was 12 years old I read an article on exercise and orgasms and how they coincide.* This article listed 30 forms of exercise. Some examples being, Yoga, Pilates, Running, Walking, Horse Back Riding, Swimming, etc. Along with this list was a poll asking 100 women from each different exercise group with regards to certain aspects of their lifestyle concentrating on fitness, health and their sex lives. The information was gathered and this article listed the exercise along with the percentage of women that experience frequent orgasms with in each grouping. The bottom of this list was running/jogging. Only 23% of women that ran for their form of exercise had frequent orgasms. The top of the list was Pilates, rating at 99% of women having frequent orgasms. The next day I bought a Pilates DVD.

*I should disclose that I was not sexually active at 12 years old, far, far from it. I have had an obsession with sex all my life, even before I really knew what the birds and the bees were. I have always been fervent in reading as much information as possible on the subject. You should see this as your gain, as I will pass on my knowledge to you. Well, as much knowledge as someone can gain at my age.

Bullet Number Two: The Body

Running can be very tough on the body, especially your joints. Before the age of 30 the body is still building bone density. After the age of 30 the body will start breaking down bone density. Running does help to build bone density but after your body peeks at 30 running will aid in it’s destruction. I know more people that were avid runners in their youth that now, around 40 to 50 years of age, have to have a hip replaced or have trouble with their knees.

Here are my alternatives to running:

1. Sex - With a trusted partner or with yourself.
2. Walking - I love to walk on the beach.
3. Dancing - Grab your friends and head to a disco!
4. Pilates - This should be an obvious one but Pilates helps to elongate and tone your body.
5. Bikram or Hot Yoga - You have never sweat so much in your life. It’s incredible!

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