Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Going Through A Break-Up In The Facebook Age

When Captain America and I broke up it was the dawn of The Facebook Age.  I was not even a part of Facebook when the break-up occurred…I was on MySpace…Do you remember MySpace?  MySpace was easy and breezy compared to the now Facebook Empire.  Ah, I miss the days of simplicity. 

When this major relationship fell a part, so did I.  I had my life figured out...Well…I had the man I was going to marry figure out.  Future father of my children…Check…Man I am head over heals for…Check…Life planned out…Check.  When the shoe dropped and I was left having to figure out my way back to good, there was no announcement over the Facebook intercom to inform my closest 1000+ friends of our ending.  Going through a break up is hard and can be complicated no matter what.  So the question that I recently asked myself…Does Facebook make a break-up easier or harder?

When this break-up occurred, we were in the mists of moving across the world.  I was studying up on a new culture.  Trying to immerse myself before I was actually immersed. .  I was preparing myself to be significantly far away from my family and friends, which up until this point, wasn't an issue.  I had, from the outside looking in, a perfect relationship; A loving, smart, handsome boyfriend that was crazy about me and I about him.  When I phoned a friend at 1am distraught, she said to me, “You two are not going breaking up.  You’re perfect together.  You have a solid foundation.”  So, when it came time to announce to my family and friends, “We have called it quits.”  I received a lot of love and support but those that I didn’t have regular contact with were none the wiser on the current status and why would they be.  I had people stopping me on the street asking when I was leaving for my new home.  Holding back the tears I would have to say face to face, “We broke up.”  For me, this could be the worse situation because most people can tell when I am about to cry and then, out of pity, reach out and give me a hug, which usually turns the weakness water on to full blast…Which of course prompts these sweet people to comfort me even more, “You’ll find someone even better.” 

Some friends didn’t find out for years.  My Mother mentioned one friend that came into her office two years afterwards, “So, is she pregnant yet?”  My Mother confused at the question, “Who?”  This friend, excitedly, “Dorothy!  I thought they were talking about having kids right away?”  My Mother was placed in an unexpectedly awkward situation.  “No kids, no marriage.  They broke up and she’s now happy in California.”  Thank you Mom for adding in ‘she’s happy now’…that was a close one.

In the Facebook Age, we have a loud speaker to announce our break-ups.  It seems like yesterday we were happily switching our “relationship status” to ‘In a relationship’ or ‘Engaged’ or ‘Married’.  Now, with tissue box in one hand and the mouse in the other, the status changes to ‘Single’, signifying the shit hit the fan and we’ll either be here cleaning up the mess or out pretending there’s no mess to speak of.  In a way, Facebook makes it easier to deal with a break-up.  Most see the change in status, say they are sorry and when they see you in public make no mention of said person you once were ga-ga for.  I don’t know about you, but for me, this is a blessing. 

Of course the other side of the coin is seeing this person’s updates (She said she hated skiing and now this is her new favorite thing!  Good Grief!)   Or photos of them with someone new (He’s only suppose to be happy with me…It’s only been a few weeks and he’s with someone else?).  Was it easier for me to go through a break-up without the world knowing at the very moment is occurred?  Or Is a easier to just rip the band-aid off and be done with it?

I don’t know…Does Facebook make a break-up easier or harder?

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