In college I was part of male/female cabaret group. The time came for me to choose my solo song. Having always been a fan of A Chorus Line, I decided to sing, "What I did for Love." This song relates the trials and tribulations of the sacrifices a dancer must make in order to be a dancer. As a little girl, I had a hope of performing on Broadway. In my heart, I knew I could be the best. Given the right opportunity, I would shine. When deciding on colleges, NYU was at the top of my list. My thought was, “ make it to New York and everything will fall into place.” Reality was, I wanted to skip university altogether. My parents being who they are couldn’t support this notion. I lived in a dream world, as most teenagers do. My parents knew the harsh realities of the world. Even if I did have talent, making it on Broadway was a slim shot. Many have had to make certain sacrifices to obtain this desire.
When it came time to face reality, I realized I was a mediocre actress, talented at dance, but still somehow moved to a different beat. When it came to my singing voice, even though I had talent, I always held back for fear of true success.
I can easily compare that to my actions in my romantic relationships. Being the good girlfriend while holding back. Dancing to my own independent drummer, and on par when it came to commitment and holding steadfast.
Comparing one of my greatest passions – theater and music - with another great passion – Love, I find myself returning to relationships past. What did I do for love? What did I give up? When did I compromise? When did I fight? When did I surrender?
One relationship in particular comes to mind. For us, the cards were all in, except one of us would have to sacrifice for the greater good of the relationship and for our love. I had no problem playing this role. After all, at the time, I believed I had found my soul mate. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. I couldn’t imagine him not being the father of my children. When we were apart, it felt as though my heart had stopped beating. I would feel the air escape from my lungs. My blood would slowly stop pumping through my veins. All the while knowing, the only remedy would be to see and hold him again. I would have done anything in my power to make sure I never had to live without him.
As with any relationship, any love or passion, the truth will always be revealed, then a decision must be made whether or not you can live with that truth. When this relationship came to that cross road, we both decided we couldn’t live with it and we would rather live without each other. It wasn’t as if we were bad for each other, we just were not meant for each other. When we said our good-byes, he validated my sacrifices, “If I didn’t have you, I would have never made it through these past few years. I would have never been able to accomplish what I did.”
What have you done for love? What did you do for your passion?
Above all else, love is the greatest gift. The greatest gift we can give to another is to give ourselves.