Thursday, March 15, 2012

You Can Never Go Back

Photo, Burning Bridges from Bridgette Jackson's Blog 

When I heard the voice on the other end of my phone, I didn’t recognize the man’s voice.

“Dorothy?”  His voice was deep and scratchy like an old record.

“Yes.”  I was hesitant to even answer.  Who was this calling me? I started to run down the list of recent gentlemen that I’ve given my phone number to.  The voices were just not matching up.  “Who is this?”  I inquired nervously.

“It’s Aladdin.”  (Let’s call him this, since he has a rags to riches story.)

My mouth dropped and I was in shock.  One because I haven’t seen or heard from him in years.  Also, because the last time I thought of him, he was in the mists of breaking my heart.  It was one of my last birthdays in my teens.  He promised me a special birthday to remember.  He certainly accomplished this, though not in the way I was hoping.  It was one of the worse birthdays in my life.  I was wide-eyed and falling for a tall, dark handsome man.  He was half Asian, half Nordic.  A deadly combination if you ask me.  His skin a smooth, soft caramel color.  His eyes an almond shape with a shade of deep cocoa.  He was tall enough for me to wear heels, which being almost 5’10” is a luxury.  His build was very slender and I remember him having no hips whatsoever.  I remember this, because when he held me up with his hands, my legs would slowly inch their way down his thighs.  He had a very difficult body for me to have a firm leg hold.  It would often make us both laugh. 

Leading up until my birthday, we had spent over two months getting to know each other.  Walking all around Nantucket Island, sailing and enjoying a few sweet dinner dates.  A fond memory I have of him was of the two of us strolling around, in the fog, on warm island evening.  He stopped in the middle of a side, cobblestone street and knelt to the ground.

“What are you doing Aladdin?”  I laughed at the silly look he had on his face.  He had a sort of lazy, carefree stride about him that I found seductive.  

“Lets take a break.”  He took my hand and pulled me down to the ground to sit with him.  “The way you move reminds me of a cat.  And your eyes.  Your eyes are just like a cat’s eyes.”  His stare was piercing and he kissed me sweetly.  I smiled and started to meow, mocking his compliment.  His laughter set me off to kneel on all fours and move around him pretending I was a cat.  “Oh look mummy, this kitty followed me home.  May I keep her?”  To my amazement, he got off the ground and picked me up throwing me over his shoulder and ran down the street with my body bouncing all around.  It was one of those, sweep me off my feet rare moments.

When he promised me a birthday to remember, I thought he meant dinner, moonlight and sweet kisses.  What ended up happening was far from romantic. I started the day crying on my bedroom floor with my phone in hand.  A friend had just informed me that the guy I had been spending all of my free time with, had a girlfriend back home and he left that day unexpectedly to see her.  She knew this since she was friends with the girl.  How could I be so dumb?

“I’m sorry.  Don’t hate me.  I thought you should know.  He’s such a jerk.  You don’t need him.”  I could hear her pity for me and sense how uncomfortable this phone call was for her to make. 

“It’s my birthday.  He said he had plans for me.”

“Oh that’s right!  Happy Birthday.”  My friend was sweetly forgetful. 

When hearing Aladdin’s voice these many years later, with a quick wave, I was flooded with emotions. 

“I’ve missed you.  Can we talk?”  There was a slight shake in his voice.  I wasn’t sure if it was nervousness or if he was drunk.  Maybe even both.


He proceed to tell me about his travels and taking over the family business.  He asked where I was and If I had any interest in rekindling a relationship with him, possibly joining him in his new city.  He had grown quite successful and he was in line to take over his father’s company completely.  I could hear his enthusiasm and hopefulness in his voice.  He told me he had changed and would treat me like the princess that I am.  In this very moment, I learned we can never go back.  We can never have what once was.  We can never expect others to forget the wrong that occurred.  When someone’s trust is broken, it is not something that is easily fixed or mended.  Just saying you forgive someone isn’t enough to move forward.  After I told him ‘no’, he proceed to call me every night for weeks.  We would talk and I grew quite fond of our conversations.  On the last phone call, he asked if I had changed my mind.  When I told him no again and explained why, he said he understood.  He said he would be forever regretful of his previous actions.  With this statement I felt closure and a sense of relief.  I also knew I would never hear from him again.  We can never go back.  We can move forward but it's a slow journey.   

What do you think?  Did he deserve a second chance?


  1. NOOOOOOO, Jerkwad!!!
    I got so angry reading about the hurt his selfish actions caused you on your birthday.
    Good for you for turning him down, but politely.

  2. It is very common for people to ask other people out when they are in a relationship. Happens all the time. Happened to me. Don't trust anyone. Keep it casual and have fun but know it will end soon and with A LOT of drama.

  3. Anonymous: Thank you so much for your sweet words...I was pretty upset myself.

    Martie: It makes me sad to hear you say this...Not all relationships end in drama...although eventually, they do end, whether by choice or by death. I believe the key is to enjoy the good times, treasure the person for who they really are and learn from mistakes.

    I agree when you're dating someone, it is very common to date other people. The key is being truthful and communicating that you're not just dating them. This particular person was not upfront about having a girlfriend. If he was, I would have never gone on a date with him...but that's just me.

    Thank you for reading everyone...I love the comments!

  4. some people can change,grow up,calm down. Things we do as teenagers are not going to be done again when we grow older. The journey of life makes us wiser. It's up to us to forgive the past but if you have a nagging feeling that won't go away, then stay away. He may deserve a second chance but you may not want give him it. It's your life so keep away from him if you feel like it.

  5. Joanna, you are so very right! Life is a growing process. It is said that people do not change but I have seen myself change. I have seen my point of view alter...Makes me believe that people can change who they are and what they believe...If they want to. Thank you for reading Joanna.


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