Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Lazy Girl's Dating Rules

Email Question: What are your dating rules?  Kissing on the first date? 

Oh my goodness, I have so many rules!  I’m not sure if you remember this from a previous post but when I was younger my Father told me to date a 100 men.  (He said date, not sleep with.)  He was saying this to me, so that I would know exactly what I wanted before I entered into a serious relationship.  I haven’t dated a 100 men but I have dated quite a bit to know exactly what I want and what I don’t want.  I have also haphazardly learned a thing or two along the way.  Here are some of my beginning relationship rules...before the first date and so on.  Granted, I have not always followed my own rules but do as I say, not as I do.

Rule Number 1: If at all possible become friends first.  This doesn’t have to be years and years of friendship but being friendly and getting to know someone allows you to know the person on a level that is safe.  The major reason for spending time talking and getting to know someone is that it lays a nice foundation of respect, friendship and trust.  This is a great time to really watch, look and listen to the type of person he or she may be.  What are they telling you?  Do they talk about their ex?  A certain amount of discussion of the ex is fine.  But do they talk about them all the time?  Do they talk badly about them?  Do they talk very highly and frequently about their ex? Do they talk about wanting a family? (Don’t fall into the they want a family trap.  Just because they want to settle down someday, does not mean they want to settle down with you.  Look at how they treat other people.  Are they mean or rude to the restaurant/bar server?  How do they treat other women or men?  How do they treat their family?  How does he contact you?  Today everything is text message, which I find annoying.  Don’t get me wrong, I love receiving a text message and have a secret conversation all day long but there are instances where this is an inappropriate way to communicate.  I once gave my number to gentleman caller, except he didn’t call, he texted me.  Here’s the transcript:
Guy: Hi there
Me: Who is this?
Guy: It’s me (Insert name)
Me: Who?
Guy: You know the guy that asked for your phone number.
Me: Which one? 
**I know I was a jerk by saying that but I wanted to make sure he got a hint as to one reason you don't ask a girl out via text message. 

***When asking someone out, Call or do it in person.  It's bad dating etiquette to do it any other way.  I know it takes a lot of courage to ask a girl for her number or to go out but that’s what all the excitement is about for both men and women.  You think that nervous energy is going to waste?  No, those are memories forming in your brain that you were excited about this person.  Being nervous about taking a risk is apart of love and it fosters a strong bond between the two persons.  It’s a necessity.  So, Rule number 1A: Communication is key and they better bloody well pick up the phone and make an effort or don't do it at all.

Rule Number 2: You should be courted.  This doesn’t have to be roses sent to your work everyday at noon. (Although, it doesn’t hurt.)  This is just the time that a man should show his interest and win you over.  This is the time for him to convince you that he is a catch.  It’s the little things he does for you that make a difference.  While I was in college a guy I was dating came to my bedroom window and shouted for me.  Granted he was intoxicated but he also was carrying a rose bush for me.  Ok, the rose bush he uprooted from a garden belonging to someone other than him but it was sweet none the less especially since he knew I liked roses. 

Rule Number 3: Old School Rules Apply.
  To be honest, I don’t even like kissing on the first date.  I should I say, I love kissing.  I mean come on, I could do it all day but I like to extend the nervousness and anticipation to the second, third or even the fourth date.  Not only does this weed out the jerks but it also makes dating all the more exciting!  Will the first kiss ever happen?  Then when it does, it’s a threw the moon experience for both parties involved.  And when it comes to sex.  We all know that sex on the first date happens and is it a big deal that it does? Yeah, maybe.  Let me share something with you that my Mother shared with me.  When you sleep with someone, at that moment the emotional relationship stops growing.  When you sleep with someone, the relationship has moved to a new level of intimacy.  It is extremely difficult to get back to basics when sex is involved.  A nice rule of thumb is, when you’re serious and committed to each other, then this is the time to move the relationship to that level of intimacy.

Rule Number 4: Show the real you. I have a friend that went on a first date with a really great guy.  Before the date, she worked out with her personal trainer and didn’t have time to shower or really change for that matter. When this guy picked her up for their first date, she was a bit sweaty and not as thrown together one may want to be for a first date.  During the date, she dropped something on the ground and the guy went to pick it up for her.  As he was picking up the item, he was able to get close to her and take in all her glory.  He said, “Did you shower?”  To which she told the truth, that she worked out and didn’t have time to shower and she was still in her gym pants.  For whatever reason, this guy liked that she was smelly.  He liked that she was honest with him but also that in a way she didn’t care.  He was used to girls falling all over themselves for him.  To this day, as gross as it may seem to the rest of us, he loves the day old smell on her. 

Now, I’m not saying don’t shower, I’m saying be yourself.  If the person you're dating doesn't like you on that first, second or third date more than likely they’re not going to like you a few months or years in.  Best to know in the beginning, than to drawn things out and become emotionally attached to one another.

I have more dating rules but I think this will suffice for now.  If anyone has a funny dating story they would like to share, I would love to hear it!  Happy Dating!

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