Sunday, August 28, 2011

Men need to feel needed...

I have learned that a man needs to feel needed to be satisfied in a relationship.  Actually, I believe when a man feels a woman needs him, he feels more secure in the relationship.  When I was dating Captain America, the only time we got into an argument was when I wouldn’t let him help me.  I remember one incident in particular.  We were just leaving a dance club with a large group of guys.  This is typically how we went out; Captain America, myself and the rest of the heroes.  I decided I was hungry and made my way to the sausage cart strategically placed outside the club.  I sat on a chair outside, ate my sausage, while I waited for the captain and his friends to be ready to go home.  As I was enjoying my processed meat at two in the morning, two guys decided to talk to me.

Two Jerks: “I like the way you handle that sausage.”

Lazy Girl: “What!?”

Two Jerks: “I like watching you eat that sausage.” (This wasn’t exactly what they said.  The two guys went into a bit more detail and said some things that even I was shocked at.)

I then opened my mouth and started to verbalize my thoughts in a few phrases I am not entirely proud of.  Captain America then caught wind of what was going on and came over to inspect the situation. 

Captain America: “What’s going on Lazy Girl?”

Lazy Girl: “Nothing, these guys were just leaving.”

Captain America: “What’s going on Lazy Girl?  Why are you upset?”

I then continued to explain the situation.  Captain America was not pleased.

Captain America: “Why didn’t you call me over?  I would have handled the situation.”

Lazy Girl: “I can take care of myself.”

Captain America: “Yeah I know but you’re MY girlfriend.  No one is going to talk to you like that.  I can take care of you and I have 10 guys to back me up.”

We had a few heated discussions through out our relationship.  Usually, because I needed to feel independent.  Our last heated discussion, years ago, was of me saying I wasn’t ready to get married and I didn’t want to move in together, just yet.  We were long distance for over two years and now, we were in the midst of moving to a new city together.  I thought, maybe I should first get my own place, so we could properly get to know each other.  Our honeymoon period lasted until a few months before we broke up.  We were on cloud nine.  I mean the kind of cloud where we wouldn't see each other for five minutes and it felt like eternity.  Then we would see each other again and sparks would fly.  I was afraid that all that excitement would change and it would be too late.  We would be married, signed, sealed and delivered.  We were planning our future together.  He had actually been planning our future since our third date when he told me he was going to marry me.  It took me a bit longer, to say the least, to get used to the idea.

Captain America: “When did you start thinking this way?”

Lazy Girl: “I’ve always thought this, I just didn’t say anything.”

Captain America: “How can I fix this?”

Lazy Girl: “I don’t think you can.”

Captain America: “We should have married when I first asked you.  We shouldn’t have waited.”

I bet, now, he’s happy we waited.  He ended up marrying a girl, not long after we broke up, that to me seems like a good fit.   I even remember seeing a photograph of the two of them before we broke up and thinking, "The two of them make more sense, than him and I." 

When it comes to men, I have learned, they need to feel needed.  I am still learning the delicate balance of being independent and allowing a man to help me.  I am starting to feel comfortable with a man bashing a few heads to protect me and take care of me.  It’s only natural right?  Maybe not a complete cave dweller but still someone who is willing to protect what is his.

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