Friday, January 15, 2010

Toxic Love

Currently, I am writing a book. It is about fitness and my romantic life, you do the math. Writing this book brings me back to my past romantic liaisons and rendezvous. I find myself remembering relationships that I have long forgotten and moved on from. It is truly incredible how one kiss can change your world. A kiss can bring you to great ecstasy or ruin your life forever. Sometimes these two kisses can go hand in hand. The later is to be avoided, if possible.

The memories have flooded my brain and I remember that I have experienced this sort of love more than I care to admit. The kind that is just straight up evil, games are played and no one really knows the rules. One moment you are in a sweet tender embrace and the next moment you are slapping them in the face, soon to be followed by passion and ecstasy. I have learned that these love-hate relationships are to be avoided at all cost. No one is left happy and there is always someone who will always pine and try to wiggle their way back into your life. I remember once describing myself as a little bug caught in their spider’s web. They would watch me try to fight my way through to safety. In the end they would never let me go free, I would have to fight and claw my way to freedom.

There is real love out there that doesn’t have that oh so wonderful septic tinge. There’s nothing better than being in love and someone loving you back just as much. So wait for it, it’s worth it. People fight for it, die for it, lie, and even will steal for it. This sort of love is worth fighting for. I have seen all sides of the love game. After, per usual, I am always walking away with battle scars and not really knowing who won. Still, I am a warrior for love. I believe in what I am fighting for, which just strengthens my intensity and will to live to fight another day, even if a chose a new opponent.

I am, I will admit, your typical serial monogamist. I am an addict, completely, body and soul addicted to love. I pour myself and my love, into my new flame. With each day raises the level I care for them. This is the calm before the storm. Then, without warning, the once bright light in my love goes out. I find myself wanting to get back what was once lost, never being able to let be what needs to just be. To move on from the darkness.

In some ways I have learned my lesson, but I do not have a simple recipe for you to follow or warning signs. I do, at the very moment my life and their life start to not line up, pack my imaginary bags. It is always best to have a clean break and most certainly end all passionate embraces.

I do also try to live by one simple rule, when it’s over it’s over. I really do not believe in second chances. Let me explain myself before you judge. There is a reason you do not work out in the first go. There could be a million reasons or just one, still it’s enough for the two of you to just not to make it. Sure I believe people can change, only if they want to. In my experience, when a relationship has ended and then some where along the road the two of you reconcile, there is that moment where you forget why it didn’t first work. I usually find myself head over heals saying, “It's better than it was before” or “How did I not see this side of them.” Then the moment comes when you remember why things ended. I have found myself with my new-old lover happily walking down the street and then “Boom!” the moment and this is always followed up one of the following; Passions souring, voices being raised until you realize it’s two o’clock in the morning and you’re yelling at each other in the middle of the street under a lamp post. Or, you have that fatal kiss or more like the kiss of death and you would rather have your toe nails pulled out than continue another moment with them. Or, worse, you’re head over heals and you look into their eyes and see that you’re the kiss of death. You mean nothing to them or at the very least their not going to fight for you, ouch!

I would like to say I follow my own warning, but this sort of toxic relationship has a way of sucking you back in repeatedly. One must search high and low to find a way to break the spell. This is never an easy task. My advice, run. Get as far away as possible, the further the better. If there is a flight to the moon, book it.

As they say, lovers come and go, but you’re here to stay, so be good to yourself. You really only have you. This post was supposed to be a Great Skin Diet, obviously I went off on a tangent. I will, of course, post the Great Skin Diet shortly. Thank you for reading this tangent. Just a few thoughts running through my head that I had to get down on web.

Have a Beautiful Day!

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