There Are No Wasted Relationships

The many lessons and teaching my Mother have bestowed upon me about love and life is that there are no wasted relationships.  This can be a hard concept to fathom when you’re going through a break-up.  Did I just waste all that time with this person?  What was the point of being with them?  How could I have been so foolish?  How could I have been so wrong?  At 31, I have finally moved on from these post break-up interrogations.  I’m armed with one phrase that gets me through break-ups; Romantic, Friends, Life or Career, “There are no wasted relationships.” 

My Mother taught me this valuable message young but it wasn’t until I went through my biggest break-up that her words really resonated with me.  I had spent years with someone I was building a future with.  We had mapped out our hopes, dreams and desires; Our wedding ceremony, when we would start having children, how many children we wanted, how we would spend our money, Where to spend our holidays, places we wanted to travel to and how we saw ourselves when we are old and grey.  Through out the course of our relationship we had each made sacrifices, compromises and changed emotionally and mentally.  We had grown together until the end, when we grew apart.  What once was sweet became sour, setting us each on different paths.

When you have this history, when two people form a foundation, a bond and then that bond is severed, it’s only natural to let doubt creep in about the connection and all those good feelings that were once shared.  We tend to not validate the relationship because we feel we have failed or there is a belief this could make it easier to move forward.  I take a few thoughts away from my Mother’s advice, “There are no wasted relationships.”

1.     The time spent was not a waste; you did have moments of happiness, joy and love.

2.     This person was what you needed at that time; whether to help you through a difficult patch, support you, teach/show you something about yourself you needed to know.

3.     Time is not wasted when you are learning and growing as an individual.

4.     What did you learn about yourself? 

5.     What did you learn about what you want and/or your beliefs?

6.     What did you learn about your worth?

As long as you can take away the lessons, you’ll understand that the time spent was not wasted, for you were learning more about yourself, you were learning on how to be your best self and what you want out of life.  Time is never wasted when you’re learning.  Please don’t let the aftertaste of a relationship spoil the sweetness of life. 

My Mother has an advice column on Nantucket Chronicle.  Ask her anything...Seriously, she's heard it all and she doesn't judge.

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