Wednesday, March 28, 2012

How To Know When To Move On

Email Question: What does the Lazy Personal Trainer say about being ready to move on?  The person I am with is driving me crazy.  I’m not sure if I should move on or try harder.  They don’t want to do anything. They don’t have friends or hobbies.  They just sit around and they are miserable.  It’s starting to rub off on me.

I am truly sorry you’re in this position.  I can see why you would want to leave the relationship. It’s affecting your well-being, which is not good.  You need to take care of yourself before you can take care of someone else.  It sounds as though this person is depressed.  They need to make a change in their life.  There is nothing wrong with depression, if you recognize that there needs to be treatment Something needs to happen to change the situation.  If your significant other isn’t willing to change and doesn’t see a need for change, then I would say they need a wake up call.  They are in a low point and need to do the work to build themselves back to good. 

I know what you’re going through.  You love and care for this person.  More than likely you’ve been with them for some time.  You do not want to abandon them when they may need you the most.  Ask yourself this question: Are their needs more important than mine?

Before you move to break up, first you should think about exactly the changes you need to feel more secure and have your needs met within the relationship.  What does this person need?  What do you need?  Once you have an understanding of this, you may now ask this person for what you need to make the relationship work.  If they do not want to give it to you or can not give it to you, then you need to weigh the pros and the cons.  Are you asking too much of this person? If what you're asking is for them to find friends, hobbies and happiness?  I wouldn’t think so, but I do not know your situation completely.  If this person is willing to make the appropriate changes and hopefully they will be for their own behalf, then I would say stay.  If this person is not willing to make changes, then do not play the martyr.  It’s not healthy, period. 

The problem with problems is, we already know what we must do when we ask ourselves, “What should I do?”  We already know the answer, we just don’t want to hear it.  When you ask yourself, “Should I stay or should I go?”  You already know what your answer is before you even ask the question.  In some instances, it means starting fresh and leaving an unhealthy situation.  In other instances, it means keep up the fight.  I do not want to sway you either way.  I want to sway you to what feels right. 

Here is an exercise to help:
1. Write how you feel about the situation today.
2. Write how you think you’ll feel about the situation in six months
3. Write how you see YOUR life in five years from now.

You will see the situation more clearly once you begin to weigh your needs, their needs and how you see the possible future.  Once you have completed this, I hope this will aid you in making the right decision for you.  Remember to always take care of yourself.  You can only give so much of yourself before giving all of yourself away.

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